“Be good to people. You will be remembered more for your kindness than any level of success you could possibly attain.” Mandy Hale

If truth be told, we all care what other people think of us. We want to “get our likes”  and even count them on social media. How many people saw and liked my post?, we may wonder. Social media is social media but in the real world, we want to be acknowledged and appreciated too.

We all know the rudiments of good social behavior that we (hopefully) learned in kindergarten – be nice, play nice, share and help out.  All of these are good, but they can seem very general or overly simple.  How can we apply these principles in our daily lives to make an impact around us? How can we make friends with contacts, colleagues, and employers alike?.

It all comes down to how much we care about others. Here are 10 tips for getting other people to like you and becoming a person that others gravitate towards.

1. Establish Good Eye Contact

The eyes are the window to the soul, so the saying goes. All of our emotions are  reflected in our eyes. when we make eye contact we are showing our sincerity and our vulnerability, both of which help to build trust others.  Eye contact is really the first nonverbal contact we make. Before a word is spoken, our eyes have locked with the other person and our vulnerabilities are exposed. Eye contact, as non-verbal communication is complimentary to whatever we want to say with our words and it can speak volumes. If we want to build trust and earn respect, we must be willing to show our authenticity through meeting the eyes of the other person (or people).

2. Remember Their Names

Most everyone loves their name (even if sometimes they say they don’t).  Our name represents who we are to the world.  It is our identity, our business card that makes us special and uniques. So when we take the time and care to remember a person’s name, we are showing them that we acknowledge them and their uniqueness.  It shows that, in their minds, they have made an impression on us. Too often people are too busy or don’t care enough to remember people’s names. We tell ourselves that we are not good at remembering names. This may be true, but remembering names is a skill that can be learned. We can use techniques such as repeating the name to engrave it in our mind, or we can ask the person to spell it for us. Alternatively, we can find ways of making connections with the name. At the end of the day, it all comes down to, do we care enough to remember?

 

We shall never know all the good that a smile can do – Mother Theresa

3. Smile

Nothing makes feel so good as when we see a person genuinely smiling. a simple smile can erase pounds of stress and make us feel connected.  A smile is absolutely contagious- in a good way. Who can resist smiling back at someone who is smiling?  a smile can make anyone more attractive and people naturally attracted to attractive people. So smile away!. Inside, that smile can make you feel happy and relaxed. In fact, if we are feeling stressed we could lessen the stress by informing our face to put a smile on. Other people will feel happier when the see us smile too. A smile builds trust and respect which in turn will help you be more influential with other people.  Overall, a smile makes a good impression everywhere and is one of the keys to success.

4. Build A Connection

The first step to building a connection is to find points on which you can connect. There is always something that we can connect with when relating to another person. We may have to think a bit and use our imagination, but all human beings have connection points. One way that we can connect is by taking the focus off ourselves in order to learn more about the other person. Everybody has a story and we can connect by learning theirs if they choose to share. Asking general, nonintrusive questions can help us bond with others. Listen and pay attention to what people are saying. A lot can be learned by listening and often that is what people want the most – a willing ear.

 

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”– Dr. Seuss

 

5. Find Ways to Be Helpful

Are you a Helpful Henry? Helpful people are people that others like to be around, as long as the help is not intrusive. Become a positive influence and people will gravitate to you. Being a helpful person does not mean you jump in and do what others can do for themselves. It means that you take the time to look around and see what needs doing or you ask others if you can be of any help. People like to be asked first.  Offer your time, which is the most precious gift you have. People appreciate it when we have a sincere desire to lend a hand to ease the burdens of others.  Being there to offer help when needed is an excellent way to attract people.

6. Be a Caring Listener

It is so hard these days to find people who genuinely want to listen without an agenda, without storing up all the things they want to say when we are finally done talking. A genuine desire to hear others and be interested in what they are saying is a wonderful gift that we can give someone. When someone takes the time to listen to us, we feel understood and cared for. Listening to people shows that we value them and want to learn more.  People who are good listeners generally earn more respect from their peers and also the right to be listened to when they want to speak.  Good listening develops qualities such as patience and compassion. People will always gravitate to someone who is a good listener.

 

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.    – Judy Garland

 

7. Be Genuine

Always be yourself. I realize that I am stating the obvious, but it is astounding how many people want to be someone else, someone they are not. We need to be who we are so that we can have respect for ourselves and so that others will respect us in turn.  We need to know who we are – what we stand for, what our strengths are and what our weaknesses are. We also to make peace with ourselves and forgive our mistakes and our failures to move on. Being genuine (true to ourselves and others) can give us courage as we focus on truth rather than fear.  We can be kind to ourselves and others and avoid the negative repercussions of fear such as jealousy and greed. By being genuine, we can be others-focused, happy and strong.

8. Be a Conversation Initiator

Not everyone wants to talk especially when they don’t know people well, but a likable person can help by being a conversation initiator. You don,t have to dig in the person’s deep, dark secrets or discuss philosophically intense topics. Nor do you need to discuss the politics of the day. Small talk, although many people shun it,  is an excellent ice-breaker to start a conversation. sometimes people are just waiting for someone else to take the first step to break the uncomfortable silence. We can lead by talking about the weather. Why not? It’s a safe topic and it can lead down other avenues of conversation. The whole point of being a conversation initiator is to help relieve the uncomfortable stress of silence. Asking open-ended and specific questions is always a safe bet.

 

Never follow the crowd. –  Bernard Baruch

 

9. Don’t Give Out Advice

Advice, unless it is specifically asked for,  is usually unwelcome. It is definitely not a good connection builder.  Even if our intentions are good and we genuinely want to help another person, we need to respect their need to take care of their own life. Dishing out advice can come across as controlling or manipulative. The other person may view us as unnecessarily “getting into their business” by telling them what they should do (if I were you, I would… ). Being one who gives out advice gives others the message that you don’t trust their judgment or that you don’t believe that they have the skills or the information to make their own decisions. It can come across as insulting. Don’t be the self-appointed “Anne Landers”.

10. Be A Positive Person

Everyone loves positive people. Being positive does not mean that everything is going well in our lives. We all have our mountains to climb and valleys that we fall into. But, no matter what happens to us in our lives, we are in control of how we think about what happens. We can be a positive person by being honest about what we are going through or what others are going through and by choosing to view these in a realistic light. We can encourage and influence others by choosing to look for solutions for our own problems. Being positive does not mean that we take a Pollyanna approach to life. Rather it means that we choose to look at our problems through a cleaner pair of glasses with new lenses. It also means that amidst the negative, we can choose to find something positive to focus on.

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Diana Lynne’s passions are family, travel, self-improvement, and the pursuit of a debt-free life. She loves hanging out with family, friends and being with her dog Skye. Diana is a Quebec City girl. who loves living life.  You can connect with her through Livingandstuff.ca